I look at all my friends and acquaintances with their enthusiastic faces, and I'm happy that they're full of joy, but I'm also sad... Because I'm not. Nobody really speaks to me at events like these, and can blame be put on them? No. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to talk to someone who is being internal.
I've always thought that when people see me, they don't view me as a outgoing person. I don't think they see me as happy. When people look at me, I think they see a person, an individual, who has had to grow up too fast. They see a kind person who tries too hard and does not get much in return. They see someone who cares too much, and they see someone who won't hesitate to be sorry. They see a pushover and a weakling. The only reason I think that is because that is what I see too.
Look, I'm not writing this so that people will look at this and say "Wow. I feel really sorry for him. He must be going through a hard time." It's not like I don't want you to feel bad, I just want to say it. Because every day I feel like there is something happening. There are things occurring that I can't control. I feel like there is hot lava boiling in my heart and every day I'm ready to explode with anger, frustration, and tears. I can't help myself.
I want you to know why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because... I don't know what else to do. I've never felt so alone in my life. If you were to meet me a couple of months ago, you would be meeting a completely different person. And I miss who I was.
I think I'm clinically depressed.
Do I want to be? No.
Do I want to get better? Yes
Am I saying this for attention? No.
Do I want you to worry? No.
Am I glad that's off my chest? Maybe.
I've always thought that when people see me, they don't view me as a outgoing person. I don't think they see me as happy. When people look at me, I think they see a person, an individual, who has had to grow up too fast. They see a kind person who tries too hard and does not get much in return. They see someone who cares too much, and they see someone who won't hesitate to be sorry. They see a pushover and a weakling. The only reason I think that is because that is what I see too.
Look, I'm not writing this so that people will look at this and say "Wow. I feel really sorry for him. He must be going through a hard time." It's not like I don't want you to feel bad, I just want to say it. Because every day I feel like there is something happening. There are things occurring that I can't control. I feel like there is hot lava boiling in my heart and every day I'm ready to explode with anger, frustration, and tears. I can't help myself.
I want you to know why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because... I don't know what else to do. I've never felt so alone in my life. If you were to meet me a couple of months ago, you would be meeting a completely different person. And I miss who I was.
I think I'm clinically depressed.
Do I want to get better? Yes
Am I saying this for attention? No.
Do I want you to worry? No.
Am I glad that's off my chest? Maybe.
I think that people should shove it because you're a fantastic writer
ReplyDelete