To Those that Didn't Have Plans Today

I decided to take a walk down the street today to that little opening/clearing/whatever you call it that let's me see the valley.

Literally the only perk of living on a mountain is that clearing so I can sit there on the Fourth of July.

This "Fourth of July valley viewing" was kind of nice because I went when everybody else had already seen fireworks at around 9 or 10 pm. So I was all alone and it was really peaceful and quiet. It was also nice because I was wrapped in the warmth of the blanket I had gotten from my prom date this last year. (It's still my favorite blanket) So I was actually having a decent time.

It's always kind of surreal for me to look down at the valley because I feel like I'm watching random people and they don't even know it. As I look down, of course, I see fireworks erupt at various points in the sky (which I am above). I also see the lights from all the cities twinkle. I see cars driving by and I see police sirens and I just... Look. 

Then I decided to glance away from the exploding and burning fireworks that are down in the valley and I decide to look up at the sky and look at what's really exploding and burning. 

But then I realize that I've already wrote two posts about stars and that a third post is just overkill, you know?

Then I decided to look in myself and see what's exploding and burning in there. My heart. I closed my eyes and focused on my heart, and I realized something. Me and my heart had been through everything together. 

I know my heart is an organ, but just humor me, okay?

You know when you're feeling an indescribable feeling and someone asks you how you're feeling and you tell them that you're fine because you actually have no idea how to put into words what you are ACTUALLY feeling? 

Same.

Then I realized something else in this short interlude of my life that I spent outside on the Fourth of July. I only wanted to see two people. At this time I only wanted to share this national holiday with TWO PEOPLE. I've interacted with so many people in my life but at this time, in this moment, I only wanted to see two people.

The first one I know will read this, so hi. I didn't get to actually see you at all this summer which makes me really sad because I love you so so so so much and you're all the way across the country right now. Which, by the way, you have to tell me how spending the Fourth of July in D.C. Is. Is it something to go on my bucket list? Anyways, I know that things aren't that great or easy right now for you and I wish you were here even just for a couple of minutes so that we could share at least one moment this summer. Not to say that it's all about me and that I should be your number one priority in life. No. I guess I'm just saying I miss you. 

Now the second person will probably not read this but that's fine. We had made plans to spend this night with each othe but then she got surprised with tickets to the Stadium of Fire so that's awesome! Anyways, I want to spend time with her because I've never met anyone who I can be happy with all the time. Mostly the reason that is is because I get sad around certain people because of the way my brain works, but my brain seems to work a different way around her. And so does my heart. I feel happy, nervous, anxious, excited, confused, clueless, blind, and in love all at the same time. And it's one of those feelings where (even though I just kind of described it) I can't really describe it. I love everything that our relationship holds. I love how we can both be thinking different things and moving at different paces but it doesn't matter because we're cool like that. And I really like you, heck, I love you! And I really don't know if you like me back. Or at least in the same way. But like I said, it's okay. Whenever I'm with you I'm so focused on you and getting to know you so that doesn't even matter. THATS why I want to spend the Fourth of July with you. On this opening. At 11:35 PM. Even though you probably have work tomorrow.

Well, I didn't have plans today so there you go.

-Ardon

(P.S. Happy Independence Day everyone!)