Don't Worry, These Are Just Thoughts

The warm water fell and hit all over my body. As I sat there with one leg extended while the other was folded underneath it, I thought "This is so stereotypical."

DEPRESSED TEENAGER SITS AND CRIES IN SHOWER

Yeah.

But I decided to sit there and close my eyes. The warm water ran down my face and I started to lose track of what was shower water and what was tears. 

I started to imagine being back in Florida and recalling that I had done this once before. I remember being a young kid sitting out in the rain just staring at nothing because I had no friends. That was due to the fact that I was fat, loud and obnoxious. 

Weird how some things never change.

Then as the water turned from warm to cool I had found myself fully laid out and I thought to myself "Is this what death feels like?"

People say that death is peaceful and you don't suffer anymore. There had never been a time in my life where I had felt more peace and less suffering. 

I know. I was taking a shower.

But if that is how death feels then that is the way I want to go out. I don't want to die for glory. I don't want to die doing the thing I love. I don't want to die in some extravagant way. I don't want to die in front of millions of people and have people remember how haunting my death was. And I'm NOT saying I want to die.

No. 

But if I could choose, I'd die in the rain.

(P.C. Of Hailey Brooks)