Commuovere

God is real.

I don’t mean to sound corny

But as I looked at

What stood before me

I felt this overwhelming love.

It was there in the flowers,

The friends, the cake.

I saw it in the sunset above.

I felt at peace.

Even though I’ve had

People leave me

I could feel that my

Grandma was with me.

She saw the flowers,

The friends, the cake.

It really did make me smile.

Her favorite thing in the world

Were those wildflowers.

The purple, yellow, and red

Danced up to meet my eyes

And I felt so alive.

I saw my grandmother

Standing there. Revived.

She smiled at me

While my grandpa stood

Beside her.

I saw the way he looked at her

And then the way he looked at me.

He was always very sweet.

I can’t thank him enough

For taking me here.

I can’t thank him enough
For still being here.

And then I was there with you.

I had tears in my eyes

And I wanted to cry

Because despite anything

That has happened

Or anything that could

Put us in despair

I felt nothing but

Feelings of care for you.

You let me share it with you.

The flowers, the friends, the cake.

My grandma, my grandpa.

We were all there together.

I know we’re friends who

Just went and watched a sunset.

But if I hadn’t made this clear

I’ve got a love fest going on over here.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

How it feels to have your heart broken:
"Wow this is the worst thing ever."

How it feels to be responsible for breaking someone else's heart:
"Wow this is the worst thing ever."

I Still Dream About You

I dreamed about you last night.

And when I awoke,

My heart couldn't breathe

So I pounded my chest with my fists

To try and restart my heart.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

I had a nightmare about you last night.

My nightmare was a perfect world.

I imagined you came back

I imagined you apologized for

Your lack of passion

And acknowledged that you made 

A mistake.

I imagined that you didn't lie again for my sake.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

I imagined that I felt you again.

I imagined your invitation to touch you

As you traced the insides of my mind

With the insides of your body.

And I felt at home again.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

I imagined her.

The girl who claims she could never

Train herself for unconditional love.

The one who I've compared to the

Moon, the sky, and the stars above.

I imagined her more hurt

Than I could imagine.

I imagined her tears streaming.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

I imagined my heart bleeding.

I imagined my love reaching

For that gleaming beam of hope.

And when I awoke I tried to cope.

I still dream about you.

I had a dream about you last night.

I had a nightmare about you last night.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Falling in a Forest

The sound of your heart breaking
Is not one in which you can hear.
It makes a sound, oh yes.
But you can not hear.

The deafening cracking and crumbling
Your entire universe tumbling down
You are swimming up
Yet before you reach the top
You do indeed drown.

I don't want it.
I don't want it.
I don't want it.
I don't want it.

But I must have it.
There is nothing else I can do
Except to say to you and the world
That we all become absolutely broken.

Shattered on the floor.
They tried to tell us that love was an open door
But this can not be true.

Love is the only thing that can make you
Absolutely sure of everything,
And then destroy you
Without even a trace of a clue.

When your heart breaks,
And nobody is around to hear it,
Does it truly make a sound?

Yes.

It manifests in the endless nights
Of uncontrollable weeping.
You hear it in the ringing of your ears
As you drive past where you had your secret meetings.

You hear it in the phone calls to your friends
As you, yourself condemn yourself
Because it has to be something you did, right?
Otherwise they wouldn't have left YOU.

Is this the truth?
I do not know if we can ever truly know.

They say you must to let go.
But that statement leads me to my inquiry, so,
When you feel lower than your absolute low,
Tell me, my dear,

How must one let go?

An Ode to Shakespeare

"You're a good kid,"
She said.
"Fuck you."
I said in my head.

Whoa.
Why?
I want.
To die.

Why would I cry when I can just die?
"To be or not to be," is some bullshit
Thanks Shakespeare for yet again
Putting yourself on another pulpit

While making ourselves the culprits
Of our own suppression and depression
Hamlet wanted to kill himself
"To be or not to be that is the question."

And he says that
Not as an act of submission
But rather a realization.

What does that mean?
I don't know.
It means something to me
So it has to mean something to you.

To want to die and to want to stop living
Are two completely different things
The end justifies the means
But please believe me when I say

FUCK YOU.

Romeo and Juliet kill themselves
Just because of bad timing
If they had waited five minutes
Then they wouldn't have had to suffer through
DYING.

And they call our generation impatient.

Even Pyramus and Thisbe die.
WHY?
Where is the lie?
Look Shakespeare, I'm just trying.
Trying to understand why everyone has to die.

Or why everyone has to live.
It's so easy to give in.
Because this world isn't easy to live in.

Maybe that's what he was saying all along.
It's not about living or dying.
We all die eventually.
It's about the choice.
It's about choosing to power on.

Even if there's aches and cramps
Broken lamps, broken hearts
Broken limbs, broken parts
Broken starts, broken restarts
Broken... Anything.

To live or not to live.
To choose or not to choose.
To be or not to be.

That is the question.

In My Own Eyes

Her eyes shine so brightly
And choose to see the best
But the trail of tears within her laugh lines
Tells me she thinks she can never rest

No rest for the un-wicked
Until you prove
To yourself and the world
That you deserve love

And trust and care
And to be the reason that someone wakes up
And grins and bears this fucked up world.
To be the reason someone's toes curl.
To be worth a damn, a diamond, and a pearl.
To be someone's whole world and know that's you.

It's new to be loved unconditionally.
Because without conditions
There's no permission
For you to listen to your heart
And let yourself be a part
Of the reason why you start
To love yourself. A lot.

Your small fingers intertwined with mine
Feel like a small child's
Gripping on to their lifeline.
And as sure as all the stars that shine
I want to call you mine
Because in my own eyes you're sublime.

As sure as all the stars that shine,
I want to call you mine.
Because in my own eyes
You are already mine.

Probably Over-Dramatic But It's Okay

It's amazing how absolutely
Alone you can feel
When you are nothing but
Surrounded by people

Hello and Goodbye
For the sixth time.
It feels like my life is on repeat,
And I hate poems that rhyme.

Six Haikus

I can't love you now.
It's all been taken away
This moment is naught.

When you walk away,

The reality of this

Remains beyond us.

It doesn't matter.
I'm the only one that's brave
And I'm tired now.

Of course it matters.

I don't want you to end it.

I am bound to you.

I do not want you.
I find myself saying it
But I still love you.

If that's what you want,

I know I can't stop you, but

I'll always love you.