Thoughts at 4:29 AM

I miss being in love.

Sure, I miss them too. Of course I do. They made me happier than I ever thought possible. But I just miss being in love.

I miss waking up each day just knowing that they were out there thinking of me, and that I was also thinking of them. I miss the late night conversations where one of us eventually had to say "I think we should probably go to bed." I miss feeling important to them. I miss being someone's priority in life. I miss kissing and holding hands and watching movies and cuddling and everything we ever did. I miss having the time of my life with the person I wanted in my life the most.

I miss talking about getting married and being with each other all the time. I miss dreaming that that could happen one day. Even though they were only dreams, they never seemed too far away. Now it seems like a lifetime ago I met you, and I wish I never had. It is indeed better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

But the pain is still a bitch.

Yes, I know they're not "the one" and "the one" is still out there waiting for me. But couldn't they have found me before I ended up falling in love with someone else? Now I have to start all over. I know ending a relationship is never easy on either side. I've been on both sides. But it sure as hell is a lot worse to be on the receiving end than to not be.

I hope she's happy. As much as it might hurt me to see her happy, I hope she is. Because it would be selfish of me to wish unhappiness just because. I hope she dates a lot of people. And I hope she finds someone who is perfect for her. I figured, the relationship ended for a reason right? One of us should be happy. If it isn't going to be me, it should be her. It should be her anyway.

I'm sorry I wasn't everything you needed. I wanted to give you everything I had, and I hope I did. I know I shouldn't be sorry, but I am. I wanted us to be together forever, but I guess the universe had other plans. And that's okay. We'll both be as happy as we could possibly be one day. Whether that's together or not isn't up to me.

I will still always care for you. I will never forget the girl in the blue dress. The girl who changed my life.

Love,

Ardon